:/

Look at those dang fool teenagers,

wearing their pants hangin down low

like a coupla idlots.

love...

^_^

Always be different

Kristen Stewart

Stewart was born and raised in Los Angeles, California. Her father, John Stewart, is a stage manager and television producer who has worked for Fox. Her mother, Jules Mann-Stewart, is a script supervisor originally from Maroochydore, Queensland, Australia, who has also directed a film.

 She has an older brother, Cameron B. Stewart, and two adopted brothers, Dana and Taylor. Stewart attended school until the seventh grade and then continued her education by correspondence until completing high school.

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Body Parts

A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere.

He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error.

"Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch.

"Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch.

He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head.

"Head on curb"

oOoOps...

faAaArRtTt.....

The Rules

1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. Any attempt by the male to document these rules could result in severe bodily harm.

14. If the female has PMS, all rules are null and void.

Ouch

 A man is about to have sex with a really fat woman, so he climbs on top of her.

"Can I turn the light off?" he asks.

"Why?" she replies, "Are you feeling a bit shy?"

"No," he says, "it's burning my arse!"

I don't know frank,

these gals like trouble.

Fishing

A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide. One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing.

"Yes, but you know how I love to fish..."

"But aren't you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?"

"Yes, but she's got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish"

A few hours later the guide says, "I understand, but that's not the only way to have sex."

"I know, but she's got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish..."

The following day the guide says, "Sure, but that's still not the only way to have sex."

"Yeah, but she's got pyorrhea and you know how I love to fish..."

Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated the guide comments, "I guess I'm not sure why you'd marry someone with health problems like that."

"It's 'cause she's also got worms; and you know I just love to fish..."

3:)

Doggy Farts!

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.

The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapés the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped.

"SPOT!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet.

Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply. "I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.

"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he shits on you!"

Hey Lady!!

A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said, "That's not good." and promised he wouldn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" and the bird said, "You know."

Surprise!

Little ten-year-old Freddie goes for a long weekend with his uncle, a wealthy farm owner.

One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of-breath Freddie who shouts out, "Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is f*cking the cow!"

Uncle John is highly embarrassed by his nephew's language and, taking young Freddie aside, explains that a certain amount of decorum is required.

"You should have said, 'The bull is surprising the cow' - not some filth that you've picked up in the playground," he says.

A few days later, Freddie comes in again as his aunt and uncle are entertaining. "Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!"

The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, "Thank you, Freddie, but surely you meant to say the cow, not cows. A bull cannot 'surprise' more than one cow at a time, you know…"

"Yes, he can!" replies his obstinate nephew. "He's f*cking the horse!"

Two Parrots!

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing: 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' "

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. You can put them with my two male talking parrots. I taught them to read the bible and pray the rosary."

The lady brings over her parrots and puts them in the priest's cage. "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" they say.

One male parrot looks over at the other and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

Be happy always !!!

Unlucky Man

Aspirin..!

What is more bonny ?

^_^

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